Chasing Dreams
by C Meliora
Summary: Bella goes to Edward's meadow looking for her hallucination of him, but finds something else. Laurent is there, and he's hungry. When she realizes a truth she hadn't considered before, her path takes a new direction. New Moon AU - Vamps.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **This is my first fic, so please leave me some constructive criticism, or even just point out my typos. At the start, you'll notice it does mirror the books quite a bit, but bare with me. It will head off on its own direction soon enough.

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Bella's POV

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I stumbled over a half exposed rock and landed on my knees in the meadow. I had finally found it. Even with the ever-present cloud cover and lack of color, it was still beautiful. It was almost appropriate that the landscape was gray and colorless. It matched my state of mind. It would have seemed wrong if it looked today as it did on that day when _he_ brought me here.

I waited for my hallucination to start, but nothing happened. Edward was not in this place anymore. I sighed, wondering why I thought this was a good idea in the first place. My disappointment was crushing. I didn't bother to get up off the ground, instead sagging down into the long grass further, letting the pain cascade through me in waves. A few broken sobs wrenched themselves from me before I silenced them. I held my chest together with my arms as the hole ached and throbbed.

I wallowed like that for probably a good five minutes before attempting recovery. I had to get out of here. It was a terrible idea to come here. It was a good thing Jacob and I didn't have luck finding the meadow previously, since there would be no explaining my reaction. _He_ wasn't here anyhow, it was just a field. Nothing magical or special about it.

I looked around, trying to orient myself for the return journey. It was going to be a much more unpleasant trip back than it was to get here in the first place if the sky was any indication. It looked like while I was under the cover of the thick canopy of leaves, dark gray clouds had rolled in and were blanketing the sky. It was definitely going to rain. Just my luck.

As I glanced around, movement caught my eye. I looked back quickly and saw a man standing at the other end of the meadow. Shock was replaced by fear almost instantly. There shouldn't be anyone out this far, away from the trails. He stepped forward and I noticed the grace with which he moved, inhuman grace.

"Laurent!" I exclaimed, the surprise giving way to excitement as I recognized him. He seemed just as surprised to see me.

"Bella, is it?" he asked, turning his head slightly to the side.

"Yes, you remembered." I was far too happy at that fact, that he would remember my name. I smiled at him, wiping at my face, trying to hide that I had been having a breakdown just moments earlier, most likely unsuccessfully. He looked as if he was going to comment on the state he found me in, but his question was not the one I had been expecting.

"I see the Cullens have moved on. The scents at their home are many months old." He paused, studying my face as I felt it crumple at hearing their name out-loud. "They did not take you with them child? I thought you were a pet of theirs."

His smile took some of the sting out of his words. I knew he didn't mean offense by his "pet" comment. After all, I was only a human. Not good enough for their world, for _his_ world. He continued walking forward as he spoke until he was less than ten paces from where I was sitting in the grass.

"Something like that." I said, picking at the grass nervously.

Laurent was almost close enough to touch now. This close, I could see him much more clearly. He sunk down to the ground and mirrored my position. He looked a lot more civilized than the last time I had seen him. His clothes were clean and in better condition, he was even wearing shoes. That is about where the changes stopped. When I saw his eyes, his crimson eyes, I felt my heart stutter in fear.

The absent delusion I had been seeking by coming here arrived, if a bit late. "Be very careful Bella. This is dangerous."

No kidding, I thought acerbically.

"I'm rather surprised to see you here, Bella. Alone and unprotected." Laurent's eyes met mine and I couldn't read the intent in his disturbing words.

"I live here. Aren't you supposed to be in Alaska?" The words came out with a bit of an edge to them. I figured the best defense was a good offense, in this case. I couldn't let him think I was a pushover, just because he caught me melting down just a moment earlier. I was a little annoyed that I had been observed, that was a private moment.

"True, I enjoy living with the Denali coven, especially Irina." he closed his eyes and a smile graced his features, making him look much more pleasant. "She is really special, I am fortunate to have met her. I had given up on ever finding a mate. I owe Carlisle a great debt for sending me to her."

I wondered to myself why his eyes were red if he was having such a good time with the Denalis. I figured there was no good way to ask him that, so I decided to take another path, one that was slightly less likely to anger him or remind him of blood. I tried to keep my voice even as I spoke. "So why are you here? Did you need to speak with Carlisle?" I asked, feeling a bit wary of his closeness.

He tilted his head to the side, considering my expression as he answered. "Well Bella, an old friend of mine asked me to come to Forks. She wanted me to see if you were still under the protection of the Cullen coven."

"Victoria." I uttered in a breathy whisper. I hadn't thought of her since Phoenix, but seeing Laurent had brought her back into my thoughts. Who else could he be referring to?

"Yes, she is a bit put out with you and your Edward."

I suppressed the pain of hearing his name as best I could. Laurent never took his eyes off my face as he continued.

"She blames him for James' death. He was her mate, and she will not rest until she gets vengeance." He leaned back into a more relaxed pose, as if this was a normal conversation between two friends. "She feels it is only fair since Edward took her mate, she should take his mate from him in return. A mate for a mate. What a surprise to find you here, alone. Do the Cullens visit often?"

"Lie." my delusion prompted me.

"Yes," I paused and took in a breath. "They do come to check on me sometimes."

"Lie better." The urgency in his voice was unnerving.

"Really?" Laurent raised his eyebrow at me.

"I'll mention you stopped by next time I see them." I said quickly, anxious to make him believe me.

Laurent shook his head slightly. "I suppose she'll be upset with me for killing you, but if you knew what she had planned, you'd be thanking me. You've caught me at a bad time, Bella. I was hunting when I caught your scent on the breeze. I'll make it quick, do not be afraid."

I scrambled back on my hands like a crab and got to my feet as quickly as I could, eyes wide. He stood up as well, but only watched as I stepped backwards slowly, never taking my eyes from him.

Laurent sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he said, inhaling deeply.

I tensed involuntarily at the word, ready for him to spring at me like a cat with a mouse. I was glad in that moment that Jacob had been avoiding me lately. I would not want him to die with me, to share in my bad luck.

Perhaps I had been dodging fate ever since I met Edward. The moment I saw his black eyes in Biology, I was doomed to become dinner, no matter what I did. I was almost glad that it was here, in the meadow, that I would die. It was where I had begun to truly live, after all. I didn't regret meeting Edward, I wouldn't trade the short time I had him in my life for anything, even though I was sure I would soon die.

Laurent started walking slowly toward me, taking his time in closing the small distance I had created with my backwards scrambling. I knew there was no point in running, or even in fighting back. I had learned that hard lesson in the ballet studio in Phoenix. James had toyed with me a bit, before crushing my leg and smacking me across the room into the wall of mirrors. If it hadn't been for the head wound I had gotten when the glass shattered around me, he would have drawn out the torture for much longer.

I shook off the memories of James and focused on something more pleasant. I let my eyes drift half closed as I replayed in my mind the first time Edward had taken me here, to his private oasis. The sun had been shining and the wildflowers had been in bloom. He had laid so many of his secrets bare to me that day, and made promises to me. He promised not to hurt me.

I inhaled sharply, my eyes opening fully as new thought occurred to me suddenly. A badly timed epiphany rocked me on my feet, causing me to sway slightly. My sudden change of expression halted Laurent's advance and he looked at me curiously. I must be the oddest meal he had ever seen, I thought to myself, allowing a small smile to break out on my face.

My Edward delusion was standing to my right, halfway between Laurent and I now. I looked away from Laurent at the perfect image my mind had created. The smile had taken over fully, as the truth washed over me. The hole in my chest was finally healed, like it had never existed. In its place there was a surge of love for Edward greater than I had ever experienced previously. A complicated swirl of emotions wrapped around me. Love, always love, but also frustration and fury that he could do this to me, to us.

When I was in Port Angeles that night, when I saw my first delusion of Edward I had come up with two possible options. Insanity or wish fulfillment. But what if there was another explanation? I looked into the golden eyes of my delusion and heard the words again in his voice, his beautiful velvet voice. "I care the most, because if I can do it, if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe." I mouthed the words to myself as he said them, finally understanding. Option three: Edward loved me.

"Pardon me?" Laurent asked, looking at me like I was crazy. I wondered if his vampire hearing picked out the words, even though I didn't say them beyond the volume of a breath. He looked left, trying to see what I was looking at, but unable to see anything.

I shook my head dispelling the daze that had momentarily distracted me from the blood thirsty vampire about to eat me. Despite the situation, I had hope. If Edward still loved me, then I needed to find him. Taking a deep breath I met the crimson eyes that were locked on my face.

"Laurent," I began, the fear completely gone from me now. "I know you don't really want to kill me. It will make Victoria mad at you, and the Denalis would be disappointed if you did something to upset Carlisle." My voice was strong and I thought it sounded convincing. Just the right amount of volume to keep from breaking, but not so much that it sounded like a desperate shout.

He raised his eyebrows and replied somewhat hesitantly. "That is true, but I cannot let you leave either way. Do not fight me child, I do not wish for you to be hurt more than is necessary." He resumed his slow walk toward me, the space between us much too small now. His hands moved in a shushing way, as if to keep me calm.

"Wait!" I interrupted, and surprisingly he stopped his advance. "First, can we talk?" I held very still, hoping that he would allow me this, that I could explain my plan to him. I looked up at the sky, which was threatening to release a torrent of rain at any moment. "Preferably somewhere dry. I know the weather doesn't bother your kind, but I would be more comfortable talking somewhere a bit dryer than this meadow will be in a few minutes. Could you carry me to the Cullen house?" I looked back to him. "I may have a solution that is mutually beneficial."

He stood still, vampire still, for several long seconds while he considered. I fought back the fear that was creeping up slowly, burying it as deep as possible. I couldn't afford to be afraid right now. Eventually, he broke his stillness and nodded.

"If you wish, I can wait for a short time. It is not an unreasonable last request, to talk. It is so rare that I have the opportunity to talk frankly with a human. And you are very peculiar for a human." His crimson eyes were almost soft as he spoke, a small reassuring smile on his lips.

I tried to read his intentions in his eyes, and I could see that he wasn't a bad person, or vampire as it were, just at the mercy of his instincts. It took the Cullens a long time to control that side of themselves, and he was new to the vegetarian lifestyle, after all. He had warned Carlisle before, about James, and had been trying to change to the vegetarian lifestyle for nearly a year now.

I walked the few feet remaining between us and circled around to his back. It was a bit awkward at first, as I supposed he didn't often have passengers, but he caught on to my intentions quickly and helped me get settled. We were flying though the trees almost immediately. I tucked my head down and waited for the rushing wind caused by his unbelievable speed to stop. Even if he wasn't as fast as Edward, he was still too fast for me to keep my eyes open and keep my stomach in check.

I could sense we were slowing after only a minute and tried to get oriented as quickly as possible once I put my feet on the ground. I didn't need to fall right now, I had a feeling that I was one scraped knee away from an end to all conversation.

"Such an odd human. I can see why you fascinated them." Laurent murmured softly as he twisted the handle to a rear door of the Cullen's home causing it to break off and the door to swing open slightly. "After you." He said pushing it open fully and bowing slightly to me, his crimson eyes tracking my every move, wary for any deceptions, but confident that there was nothing I could do to thwart him.

I walked into the darkened room, large metal shutters were blocking out all of the natural light except from the open doorway. When my eyes adjusted, I could see the family room was almost exactly as I remembered it, the only change being large dust covers draped over the furniture and bare places on the walls and shelves where more personal items had been removed, presumably packed and taken with the family when they moved on. I didn't bother removing the covering before taking a seat on one of the couches.

I didn't think Laurent would sit, but after I raised an eyebrow at him and motioned with my hand he glided over to the opposite chair and gracefully settled down in it. I took a deep breath, and then started talking. I told the truth, that Edward left me to save me from his world. I explained what happened in Phoenix, about my disastrous birthday party, everything that led up to him leaving me in the woods. He listened patiently, not interrupting even once.

When I was done, I paused and waited for his reaction to what I had said so far. He didn't speak at first, sitting back in his chair and thinking over what I had told him.

"If I had never met Irina, I wouldn't understand so well the connection you and Edward have, Bella. However, how I feel about Irina has also made me understand why Victoria wants you dead so very much as well. It is a monumental thing, finding your mate, and to lose them is almost more drastic than finding them was." His gaze stayed on mine as he spoke, reading my facial expressions. I tried to keep as neutral an expression as I could while he talked.

"I am in a very bad position here, as I do not want to hurt my mate by causing a rift between her and her cousins, yet I cannot let James' death go either. I have obligations to Victoria. I was with them for a long time, after all. So tell me, what is it that you are proposing?"

This was it. I gave myself a short pep-talk, wringing my hands nervously as I worked up the courage to speak. "Change me. If I were a vampire then Victoria and I could deal with our problems on equal footing. Edward won't blame you, I'll make sure of it. You can go back to Irina, to your mate, and never have to think of me again." I took a deep breath and noticed he had gone completely still, a sure sign of distress. "Besides, I interrupted your hunt. This will satisfy both of us." My eyebrow raised on the last point.

He laughed rather loudly. "Change you?" He tipped his head back and laughed some more.

"I'm serious." I huffed. "If I become a vampire, I can find Edward and I can keep him with me forever, no matter how far he runs or what distractions he finds. Victoria can try to kill me if she wishes, but I won't be a sitting duck while she plots to torture me. Everyone wins." I threw my hands up in the air, my voice had raised in intensity as I concluded my argument.

He recovered himself slightly and shook his head. "Do you really know what you ask of me?"

"Yes." I whispered, looking down at my hands. I closed my eyes and waited.

"Do you really? Do you understand fully the changing process? The pain the venom causes? I remember it so clearly even after three hundred years." He sobered and his face became a stoney mask. "It is not as easy as you seem to think, and I am not prepared to change you."

My heart sunk to my feet at his words and I whimpered slightly, keeping my eyes tightly shut. I had failed, he refused me.

So much for hope. I thought again about Edward, agony ripping through me knowing I would never see him again. I was angry too. That he thought he could protect me by leaving was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard of. Bella Swan, danger magnet, was not going to be safe in any scenario.

Laurent's touch on my hands startled me and I gasped. He was kneeling in front of me, his hands grasping mine gently. "I had decided while on this errand for Victoria, that I would only look and when I reported back to her I was going to cut my ties to her, call us even and return to Alaska." He paused, looking guilty for some reason. "I have already let my new coven down enough with my struggles to conform to this bizarre diet. I decided that I would make a better effort when I returned, keep away from temptation until I had better control."

"I see." I said softly, figuring he didn't want to drink human blood again, to give in again. If he was going to return to Alaska, he needed to give up human blood and I was tempting him.

"I don't think you do. Don't misunderstand, I am not opposed to this, however, I cannot do it right now. I am not in control enough for that. I must feed first, and an animal will not suffice." He looked pained, he was obviously struggling to control himself being so close to me. His eyes were almost black and I could tell his thoughts had drifted to my blood.

The implication sunk in immediately. He would change me, but I would be paying for immortality with the blood of an innocent person. Someone would die, so that I could live forever. I felt cold at the thought. Could I do this? For Edward? For forever? A sob broke from me and I shuddered.

I thought back to when I had first learned that Edward was a vampire. I had considered whether I could still love him, even if he hurt people, even if he was the villain he had claimed to be. Back then, I had grudgingly admitted that it was too late for second thoughts, that I loved him unconditionally, no matter what he had done. I wouldn't have approved, and I would have tried to change his mind, but I wouldn't have turned my back on him. Laurent was really no different, I couldn't judge him for my selfishness. I hated myself, because I already knew the answer, yes I would sacrifice anything to be with Edward. The guilt would fade in time, and once I was a vampire I couldn't have nightmares about it anyway.

"Okay."

He nodded and stood up so fast I didn't see him move.

"I wonder," he said, towering over me now, "why is it that they didn't just change you? Why cause all this heartache for no reason?"

"Edward..." I only felt a twinge this time when saying his name. "Edward thought if I became a vampire, that I would lose my soul. He couldn't bare to take that from me." I sighed loudly. "I disagreed with him, of course. What would be the point of keeping my soul if I lost my reason for living?"

He only nodded, accepting the reasoning quickly. It seems that Edward wasn't the only one who believed vampires were soulless monsters. He backed up a step and started to move away.

"Wait," I called out to him. "Do you have someone in mind? I mean, to eat?" My eyes pleaded with his. "Is it possible to kill someone not good? I don't want anyone to die, but if you could..." I trailed off, not knowing how to explain my emotions.

"I'll be going to Port Angeles, I don't know what I will find there, but I will keep your request in mind." He turned toward the door, his back to me now. "I will not make any promises, but I will spare you the details. It will forever be between you and I." He zipped to the door in a blur, blocking out some of the light.

"Bella, you are so hard to deny. It's almost unnerving."

I blinked at his comment, and as if I had hallucinated him as well, he was gone by the time my eyes reopened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the response so far, as always please let me know what you think.

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Bella's POV

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I curled up into a ball on the couch and let the tears pour out onto my cheeks as the rain started to pour down outside. I didn't bother to shut the door or find a working light, I just stayed on the couch shaking with silent sobs until it hurt to breathe.

Guilt washed over me and I tried to rationalize it. Even the Cullens had accidents. The only one of them that had never killed was Carlisle. I supposed I could count this as my first slip-up, starting my new life far from clean and pure. Only I couldn't forget that this was no accident. It was intentional, a murder, not a mistake.

If the stories I'd heard were any indication, I'd be blood crazed and prone to add more to my killing spree for at least the next year. I didn't know how I was going to do this on my own, how I would keep from draining the town. I knew I couldn't presume on Laurent further, I couldn't ask him to stay with me. He had his own life to get back to, I was already selfish enough asking for him to change me. No need to compound things by clinging to him on top of that. Edward was right about more than I had realized. I was going to be a monster.

I calmed down as I started to plan. I would have to leave Forks, for more than the obvious reason of not wanting to kill my friends or Charlie. I would need to start a new life, cut ties with everything and everyone I have ever known. It would be best if I faked my own death, of course. I tried to sound matter-of-fact in my head, to make it easier to take. In truth, I felt slightly nauseous thinking about it.

I knew that my Dad would never stop looking if he thought I was out there somewhere. Maybe if he thought I was dead, he could move on with his life. I knew that Renée would recover. Phil would help her, and she was always good at finding positive things in life. I was the more pessimistic, or realistic I liked to think, of the two of us.

Since I had come to Forks my mother and I had become more and more distant. She loved me, as I did her, but her sporadic lifestyle tended to make regular communication a challenge. Add to that the months I spent uncommunicative, and the distance had grown. I didn't blame her, in fact it was a little bit freeing, I thought to myself guiltily. I had spent my childhood being more of an adult, while she behaved more like the child. I made sure the bills were paid and the food bought and cooked. She found fun things for us to do, but took on little of the household responsibility.

As far as friends... well I had alienated almost all of them when Edward left and I became a living zombie. I would miss Angela, but we weren't close enough that my disappearance would really effect her that much. She was too shy, and I was too private for our friendship to have developed as much as it could have. Still, I would miss her and surprising myself I realized I would miss Mike. He was such a faithful friend that I had likened him to a golden retriever in the past.

Jessica and Lauren would probably be happy that I was gone. After that last trip to Port Angeles with Jess, things had become rather frosty between us. It didn't help that Mike was always trying to convince me to date him. Jess may have claimed things were over between them, but she still saw him as _her_ territory and even though I never encouraged him, I was encroaching.

I pulled myself into a sitting position and moved on to the more practical side of my plan. I would need to get a few things, but I didn't know how long Laurent would be hunting for.

I would need to stop at the bank and withdraw the remaining money from my college fund. There wasn't a lot left after buying parts for the bikes, but I decided I could get by on very little cash when food wasn't an expense. All I really needed were a few changes of clothes, maybe a backpack to store them in. Sunglasses to hide my eyes perhaps.

I considered taking my truck, but it was just too recognizable and much too loud. Having to spend so much of my funds on gas was not going to work either. I'd need something more efficient if I was going to get out of the area. And then there was the problem of getting to my truck. I had left it at the trailhead where the one-ten ended. I was sort of stuck here.

I peered in the semi-darkness toward the door that led to the attached garage. I figured the Cullens owed me for the way they left, "borrowing" one of their cars would only be fair. That is, if they didn't take them when they left, or put them in long term storage. I chewed on my lip as I considered.

I got up and strode purposefully toward the garage access door, repeating to myself that it wasn't grand theft auto if I was only borrowing a car for a while, even if it was without permission and for an indefinite period of time with no way to return it. I mentally shuddered knowing the type of car I was likely to find in there. I wouldn't take the Volvo if I had a choice. I may understand better now why Edward left, but that didn't mean I was ready to relive the memories I had with him in that car.

I mentally flipped through the other cars I had seen them driving from time to time. Emmett's jeep was too big and very obvious. I didn't even think about taking Rosalie's convertible, she would probably hold it against me if I even smudged the shiny surface with a fingerprint, let alone borrow it for an undetermined amount of time and get human smell all over it. I huffed at that thought. Perhaps if Carlisle left his Mercedes, that could work. Too expensive, but at least it wasn't as dramatic as the other Cullen vehicles.

Before I opened the door I noticed that next to the door was a key rack, and to my surprise, one set of keys were hanging there. I decided not to question my luck as I grabbed them off the hook and entered to find only one car remaining. I wasn't sure what the make or model was, but I was definite that I had never seen it in here before. It was far too ordinary looking for the Cullen's tastes. The sort of car you'd see in a parking lot at a strip-mall, not at a car show.

I tried the key bob and the car responded with a short honk and the doors unlocked. This reeked of Alice, but I was having a hard time believing she would knowingly let me suffer all this time if she had seen what would happen. I decided I would ask her when we inevitably met again. She would have a lot of explaining to do, I wasn't ready to forgive her for leaving me without a way to talk to her, my supposed best friend. She had left me too, without even a goodbye.

As much as it hurt when Edward left, it hurt half again as much additionally when the rest of the family abandoned me. I already thought of them as my family, allowed them into my heart. When they left, it compounded my agony and loss. I even missed Rosalie, a little. Primarily I missed the loving parental care that Esme and Carlisle provided. The big brother figure of Emmett. The quiet understanding of Jasper, despite the physical distance he had always kept between us. And most of all, the sisterhood that had formed between myself and Alice.

I quickened my pace to the car and opened the door, sitting down before I could get caught up in memories of my lost family. I heard a crumple from under me and found that I sat on a large manilla envelope. I grabbed it out from under myself and flipped it over to see that it had my name written across the front in elegant handwriting. I could tell it wasn't Edward's hand, but I couldn't recognize who's it was exactly.

"Alice." I said to myself, knowing that was the most logical guess. I rolled my eyes at my thoughts just moments ago. It seems she had even more to explain than I had previously thought she did. The envelope was thick and rather lumpy. It obviously held more than paper and I wondered what on earth she had been thinking.

I closed my eyes and held it to my face, inhaling the scent coming off the paper, faintly picking up a sweet perfume. With Alice involved, I was almost afraid to look inside. I pinched the side to hold the sheets of paper firm and carefully dumped the smaller items that were causing the lumps into my other hand. The first thing to fall out was a key, and then several plastic cards. Finally, a passport dropped out. I set the envelope down and examined my prizes.

The key was a standard looking house key. I added it to the ring the car keys were on and moved on to the cards. There was a credit card with the name Marie Brandon on it. The other card was a driver's license with the same name, but my picture and with the birthday set a few years prior to my own. I quickly did the math and realized it would make me twenty-one.

I laughed at the thought of getting my very own perfect fake ID right before I gave up drinking anything except for blood. It wasn't that I was some sort of a closet drunk, it was just such a roller-coaster of a day that I figured if there was ever a reason to drink, this day qualified several times over.

The passport also had a picture of me, but the name was Marie Brandon as well. It was identical to the one I had at home, except for the fake name. I had a gotten a passport back when Renée was planning her wedding to Phil. She had initially wanted to marry him on a beach in Mexico, but like most of her plans, the logistics came second to whimsy and the plan had fallen through, but not before I took care of some of the more practical aspects for my mother, like passports.

I stared off into space and tried to figure the meaning of the name. Marie was my middle name, after my grandmother Marie. That part made sense, but where had I heard the name Brandon before? I thought for a few moments before it came to me.

* * *

I was recovering in the hospital after James' attack, Edward hardly ever leaving my side, despite the protests of the nursing staff. Eventually Alice had to convince him to go hunting, but only after he refused to listen to Carlisle on the subject.

"Please Edward, go hunt. I'll be sleeping anyhow." I said, stroking the darkened skin under his eyes, which had turned nearly black. Because of the ever-present sun, night was the only time any of the Cullens could go outside. It's sunny nearly every day in Phoenix.

Edward closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. "Bella, love, I don't think I can bare to leave you, even for a moment. Besides, I can't imagine rattlesnake tastes very good." he smiled and kissed my palm.

I huffed a sigh, "There are more things in the desert than rattlesnakes you know. There are even mountain lions. I heard one growl before when I was hiking."

"You, hiking?" he raised a perfectly arched eyebrow in disbelief.

"Renée signed us up for a hiking group once." I smiled, thinking back. "After she got sunburn and blisters from her new hiking boots, she changed her mind. I think it was pottery classes a week after that." I trailed off, picturing her scowling face later, as I applied aloe to her shoulders that night.

Edward shook his head slightly at my mother's erratic behavior. "Are you sure? What if you wake up?" he looked genuinely concerned. "What if you have a nightmare and I'm not here to calm you?"

"I'll be fine Edward. I'm perfectly capable of sleeping without assistance." My patience for being waited on was wearing thin, and I knew I would be subject to it at least as long as I was wearing a cast on my leg. I frowned, feeling disgruntled.

Alice breezed in the room, almost bouncing with her innate exuberance. "Go Edward, I'll stay with Bella while you're gone." her bell-like voice rang out and I wondered if she was planning to play Bella Barbie while I wasn't able to fight back. "I promise I won't leave for a second. I won't let anything happen to Bella while you are gone." She turned her puppy-dog eyes on him, full force.

"Fine!" Edward threw up his hands in defeat. "I'll go, but I won't be gone long."

Alice settled into the chair next to my bed with a slightly gloating smirk and waited for Edward to leave. When the door closed she held her finger to her lips, indicating I should wait until he was farther away before speaking. I shot her a questioning look, wondering what she wanted to talk about that he shouldn't hear.

After a few minutes she began, although she kept her voice low, barely over a whisper, and leaned in close. "Bella, I wanted to talk to you about what James said on the video tape. If it is too upsetting, we don't have to, but I really need my best friend right now."

The look on her angelic face was heartbreaking. "Of course we can talk!" I replied at the same volume she was using. "Best friend's are always there for each other Alice." I smiled at her, feeling the stitches in my scalp stretch a bit from the force of my expression as I did so.

"James knew me, from before I mean. I don't remember anything about my human life, but with the things he said I was able to find out a few things already. My name was Mary Alice Brandon, and my family committed me to an asylum because I was having visions, even as a human." She paused. "They pretended I was dead." She looked so crushed, so betrayed. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if my parents had done that to me.

"Oh Alice, I'm so sorry." I grabbed her hand and tried to console her. "Maybe they were trying to help you, I mean, your gift is a bit scary sometimes. Back then, it was the only way. I'm sure they loved you, how could anyone not love you." I pleaded with her, trying to make her feel even a little better.

"Yeah, I guess. But to pretend I had died? I found my obituary online earlier. It was the same day I was left at the asylum." She sobbed, but no tears could ever fall, even as she mourned her lost family and felt their betrayal. "The thing is, Bella, I don't know if I should keep looking into my past. I could have family out there still. I had a sister, and she married. I don't know if she had children yet, but I'm sure if I researched it, I could find out."

I thought about it for a moment. "I don't know Alice. You are such a happy person the way you are. Knowing about them wouldn't change anything for you, I mean, its not like they could ever get to know you, even if you did track them down. Its part of the price of being a vampire, isn't it?" I trailed off thinking of Charlie and Renée. I would lose them too, if I got my way. If Edward ever gave in to my one request, to be like him.

"You are right, as usual Bella." She perked up a bit. "I think I'll leave it alone. I'll try to think of them as you said. They cared enough about me to try to get me help. However it turned out, they wanted the best for me." A genuine smile crossed her face. "Besides, I have a great family now. Two loving parents, an empathic husband, two amazing brothers, and best of all, two sisters." Alice said the last part while looking into my eyes and I leaned in to hug her, despite the tubes and wires taped to my arms.

* * *

I blinked and forced myself to look away from the far wall of the garage, examining the driver's license again. Alice had claimed me as her sister, her best friend, and had given me her name. Okay, so I could forgive her a little bit. I scowled, hoping she could see my fierce expression as I muttered to myself.

"Stupid, manipulative pixie!"

I slipped the ID into my wallet and reluctantly added the credit card. I really hated to accept it, since I didn't know when I would be able to pay her back, but I didn't have a lot of options for money right now. It didn't seem likely once I was changed that I'd be up for shopping in stores filled with tasty humans either, so I didn't feel too bad about it.

I set the passport down on the seat and reached for the papers in the envelope. The first page was a printout of a Google map complete with driving directions from Forks to an address in Alaska.

Scrawled at the bottom of the page was a short note:

The key will open the front door, our place near the Denalis' residence is currently empty.

Well, that explained the mystery key and _where_ I was going. Not the why though. I flipped the page behind the other sheet of paper and examined the next one. It was a letter from Alice.

* * *

Dearest Bella,

First I am really, really, _really_ sorry about leaving without telling you goodbye. Edward wanted it that way, so that you could have a "clean break". He told us you didn't want to talk to us, but I didn't believe that for a second. The second thing you should know is he made me promise that I wouldn't look for you in my visions, but as you know, sometimes I see things even when I am not looking.

I couldn't tell what was going on in your life for the most part, but I could see enough to know that you were not very happy. About a month after we left Forks, Edward took off to hunt Victoria. He wasn't there to police my thoughts, so I started to look for you. It was harder than it should have been, at first I thought something was blocking me, but then I realized it was because you weren't making any decisions, so I couldn't see you. I wanted to come visit you right away, but Jasper disagreed. He promised Edward. Jasper has been feeling so guilty since your birthday that he wouldn't dare risk making Edward even more upset with him.

It wasn't long after Edward left that Jasper left too. He couldn't take all the negative emotions anymore. Esme has been fairing the worst of all of us. She lost one of her children that day when we left, and when Edward and Jasper left as well she had as close to a breakdown as a vampire is capable of. Carlisle stays home with her now instead of getting a job at the hospital like he usually does. Emmett and Rose are spending some time as a couple, so it is only three of us living together now. It is so obvious that you were the glue that was holding us all together, we're lost without you.

When you started making decisions again, I was still having a hard time reading you. The only time I've ever had that happen before was whenever we were dealing with the Quileute werewolves, so I assume you have been interacting with them to some extent. I can't say that I approve, they can be very volatile and I am worried something bad will happen if you associate with them.

* * *

The letter continued on the back of the page, but I paused to ponder what I had read so far. I had been spending a lot of time at the reservation in the last few months, but I hadn't seen any werewolves. It was too much to take in, was anything make-believe anymore? Was that why Jacob had abandoned me? I couldn't help picturing Sam's "gang" as I had seen them the day Jacob and I went to drive the newly repaired motorcycles. They were cliff diving from far above the normal, conventionally safe height.

I remembered back to when I had first come to Forks, Mike had organized a trip to La Push beach. Edward declined my invitation when he learned which beach we were going to and after some shameless flirting, I had convinced Jacob to tell me why. He told me some of his tribe's stories. The story of the Cold Ones, the treaty his people had made with a band of vampires that claimed to be different. The terms of that treaty forbade the Cullens from entering their land... but before that he told me about a legend involving men who changed into _wolves_. If the legends about vampires were true, it must mean that the Quileutes were really werewolves too.

Again I pictured Sam and his disciples. I remembered how Jacob told me Embry had missed some school, and then was following Sam around like Sam owned him. How Sam had been looking at Jacob funny, like he was going to be next. I gasped as I realized what Jacob's sudden illness could mean. He was sick, unable to have any visitors. Billy had been so evasive with me whenever I called over there, and then, Jacob wanted nothing to do with me.

I gasped and my mind couldn't concentrate on any clear thought for a minute. Sam and his gang were a pack of werewolves, and Jacob was one of them. Well, that was unexpected. I blinked in confusion, and realized the real reason that Jacob had cut me out of his life. He found out that I knew about the Cullens, what they really are. My secrets, the ones I couldn't share with him, were now common knowledge between us and he didn't approve.

I sat in silence for a few minutes digesting this realization before considering the next-most disturbing thing in Alice's letter.

Edward was out there somewhere hunting Victoria, while she hunted me. If it wasn't so tragic, I would surely find it ironic. He ran from me when if he wanted to find her, all he had to do was stay. I wondered if he was close now, or if Victoria had found him. I shuddered and hopped he was bad at something for once, that he was having no luck tracking her down.

Guilt flooded me to think that Jasper was taking everything so hard that he had to leave Alice. I didn't blame him at all for what happened at my birthday party. I should have made sure he understood that, gone to the house before they left and told him I didn't blame him. I frowned down at the paper still clutched in my hand. I flipped it over and started to read the backside of Alice's letter.

* * *

The holes in my sight have been very frustrating, so I don't know why I am leaving you this letter and such, only that I need to if the family is ever going to be reunited in any capacity. I made sure there was a car waiting for you, since for some reason you are at our house without transportation right now. In the glove compartment there is an untraceable cell phone with my number programed into it, as well as the other family members who are currently reachable. I know you won't call me, at least not yet, but it is there for when you do. I also left some cash in there in case you don't want to use the credit card.

I packed some clothes for you in the trunk, but before you complain, I promise I only packed things I could see you wearing. You won't be able to shop for some reason. I am getting very frustrated with the holes your companions have been causing in my visions, Bella, I can't imagine any reason _not_ to shop.

Whatever you do, don't go home right now, or anywhere else in town. I'm not sure why, but if you are seen, the future becomes very murky. I see you driving your truck into La Push, I don't know where you go after that, but I'm very alarmed. I keep getting a vision of Charlie at your funeral. There are two versions I see. In one, Charlie is demanding to see you one last time while Mr. Weber and Dr. Gerandy argue that your injuries are too gruesome to be the last image of you he keeps with him. In the other, there is no casket at all. I can't help but think the wolves are involved, so try to avoid them if you can. Or even better, don't go to La Push at all!

I'm sorry I can't give you more to go on, but I'm doing the best I can. Please be safe and call me when you can. Remember that you are my best friend and sister _no matter what happens_. I mean that more than you will understand right now, but trust me.

With love,

Alice

* * *

I blinked away a few tears which were threatening to fall. What could it mean? I was going to die if I went to La Push. Why would I go there anyhow? I was planning to get out of town, not try to talk sense into Jacob. Jacob, my most likely werewolf friend, probably wouldn't be pleased with my plan to become undead and fake my own death.

Unless... Yes, I understood Alice's vision now. Going to La Push was part of faking my death. Of course! Charlie was at my funeral, which was inevitable. The only question was, which path would result in me, mangled beyond recognition and dead in a coffin, versus which path would produce no body whatsoever.

I repacked the envelope and left it on the car seat. Leaning over, I opened the glove compartment and found there was indeed a cell phone in there. I scrolled through the contact list and found listings for Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and surprisingly, Eleazar. I recalled hearing only a small bit about him, he was a member of the Denali coven. I tried to picture calling him and came up short.

I imagined that conversation. "Hi, I'm the human that was hanging around the Cullens, the one Edward fell in love with. I hope you don't mind that I have your private number!" I rolled my eyes. I considered calling Alice, but it seemed like she didn't know that I was planning to become a vampire, judging by her letter. I didn't want to risk her talking to Edward and him showing up to try and stop me. My lips drew into a firm line. No, I wouldn't call her yet.

There was a vinyl pouch with a bank logo printed on it. I unzipped it and found a shockingly large amount of bills stuffed inside. There were a couple of bundles of hundreds, the paper bands holding them together reading $1,000. Smaller bills were clipped together by denomination, twenties, tens, and even a bundle of ones. A single bundle of colorful bills caught my eye. It was Canadian money, not nearly as much of it, but more than I was comfortable with. I hurriedly zipped the pouch closed and jammed it to the back of the glove compartment.

There wasn't much else in the small space. There were some long driving gloves and a pair of large, expensive looking, sunglasses. I was amused to find the gloves, since it was so rare to actually have gloves in the glove compartment. Maps and junk, sure, but gloves?

A yellow post-it note caught my eye on the center console. It read: Exact change for toll booths. In the passenger side cup-holder beneath the note was an assortment of change, both American and Canadian. Alice thinks of everything, I grinned.

Deciding to pass on seeing the clothes she picked out, skeptical of them despite her assurances, I didn't open the trunk where they must be stored. I'd cross that bridge when I was forced to. I just hoped she didn't buy me cocktail dresses and fancy lingerie. I shuddered. Please be reasonable, I repeated several times in my head.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed, almost reminiscent of an actual encounter with Alice, the whirlwind, I got out of the car and made my way back into the house. I went to the kitchen, feeling hungry, but not hopeful that the Cullens had left some prop food behind. Another post-it note was stuck on the cupboard door. It simply read: Bon appetit! I opened the cupboard and found a Lunchable's brand meal. Ham and cheese flat-bread sandwich, applesauce, and a capri sun drink. My last meal, I thought wryly.

I ate quickly, cleaned up, and resumed my spot on the couch in the family room. For once, the rain didn't keep me awake as I drifted off, lulled by the sound of the droplets hitting the patio just outside the still-open door. I let myself nap, knowing it would pass the time until Laurent returned from his grisly task, and knowing that it would be the last time I would ever sleep.


End file.
